The best and worst commercial music

Mike Oldfield’s segment from ‘Tubular Bells’ is rightly considered to be amongst the most memorable uses of music in film. But the success of this delicate tinkly phrase reflects the conundrum as to why the secrets of successful commercial music are so elusive.

It would be easy to say that Oldfield’s theme is ‘creepy’. In fact, the key to why it works may be that it isn't. Heard in isolation it is classic documentary music – that is, you might expect to hear it as a transition between scenes in a factual programme documenting some social ill or another. This is perhaps crucial. The Exorcist is directed and acted in a style that invites the viewer to imagine they are watching a slab of real life – not a horror film. As Linda Blair deteriorates, at no time does Friedkin slip into the clichés of the genre. Viewers know that the proposition of a young girls vomiting green goo and spinning her head 360 degrees pushes the limits of believability. But the production style renders it hard fact. If the score had been of the standard weird scraping sounds and violin abuse type, the whole package might actually be more digestible.

Larry David’s id-driven alter-ego owes more than a passing nod to Homer Simpson’s character. But trapped inside a puce yellow, four fingered, cartoon world, Simpson snr is an undiluted figure of comedy. Within the ad-libbed, realistic setting of prosperous LA, David’s creation is far more uncomfortable. His impulse-led outbursts reach such excruciating heights that the viewer is in danger of retreating behind the sofa.

Realising the depths of darkness that were being plumbed, David opted for a ridiculous cartoon-like theme and incidental music. In the exact opposite scenario from ‘The Exorcist’ the use of music is gauged to guide the viewer that what they are seeing isn’t to be taken too literally – as if to soften the blow. If the music had actually followed the same emotional tone as the themes of the show, Curb could easily have been still-born as too extreme for the networks.

Here, entirely the opposite case applies to ‘Curb’. The Perrin series, while charting the decent into corporate-inspired ennui, wasn't radically different comedy fare of the mid-70s. But the title sequence and music on its own seemed to raise the series to a new height. On a not-so-sunny Dorset beach Leonard Rossiter’s determined walk into the sea is accompanied by the most glumly downbeat music theme in comedy history. Written by ace British commercial composer, Ronnie Hazelhurst, the theme is, characteristically, quite complex musically. The melody takes gigantic leaps and bounds across octaves, while the bass part descends deeper through augmented obscurities. It effectively signals that, although comedy it may be, Reginald Perrin’s soul was somewhat darker than the series’ famous running ‘Mother-in-law as a hippo’ gag.

Major networks' news themes are among the most important pieces of commercial music in broadcasting. A good news theme has to tread a fine line between being triumphalist on the one hand and authoritative and sturdy on the other. The CBS theme effortlessly achieves this balance.

Technically, the music drifts up expectantly to the fourth and fifth notes before coming back to rest assuredly on the root. This is a classic tactic of short music segments. Instrumentally, James Cormer’s theme has an intriguing split personality. The stirring strings/horn melody is mirrored by some jangly chimes on the higher octaves. Somehow, this split gives the theme an adaptability that suits all occasions. It sounds equally at home introducing reports from a major disaster area to preceding a piece about a Labrador that’s taken up windsurfing.

The BBC’s 'Daily Politics' show, excellent though it is, suffers from a theme that scrapes the depths of musicological disappointment. Its awfulness reflects some of the irritations of the BBC itself. Buried deep within the psyche of the corporation is idea that minority, specialist programmes need to be spiced up for the general population. Politics is dull and corrupted, but hey, it’s important, and that means that the programming must be ‘inclusive’. And how do you achieve that through music? Well, why not take a recognisable sound associated with the political scene – the chiming of Big Ben (the clock above Britain’s parliament) and soup it up with a groovy backing.

The trouble with this genetic modification of viewers expectations is that it is done in a horribly crass way.

Firstly, it’s 'hot mastered’ i.e. its volume assaults you. The clanging bells are torturous. The mercifully brief chord structure is altogether dispiriting. It lurches down awkwardly, rather like pigeon poo hitting you on the head, only to look up to see a lorry load of sand being dumped on you. The ‘down with the kids’ guitar is merely a sub-1980s synthesized drag.